Let Them: The Freedom to Live Your Own Life

In a world where we are constantly being assessed, compared, and commented upon, perhaps one of the greatest liberations we can have is the realization that the burden we carry is not necessarily from the world we are living in, but from the power we give to the opinions of others. Such an approach is powerfully expressed by Mel Robbins in her work “The Let Them Theory”, where she explains the liberating power of the two words “Let Them.” Such an approach is not about being passive or reactive; it is about being empowered. It is about stopping the attempt to control the uncontrollable and putting our energy into the only thing we have power over: our own lives. 

Such an approach is not only liberating from the psychological perspectives of today but is also powerfully expressed from the ancient wisdom of the past. The approach of “Let Them” is based on the psychological approach that humans are designed to be autonomous not only in our own lives but also in our perceptions of the lives of others. It is impossible to have power over the perceptions of others. It is an exhausting endeavour. Such an approach is powerfully expressed by the “Circle of Control” approach by Stephen Covey. It is also powerfully expressed by the ancient Stoic philosophy of Epictetus.

One of the biggest takeaways from Robbins’ work is the realization that you have zero control over what someone thinks of you. This is not a negative thing; it is a positive thing. Mary Oliver, the renowned American poet, wrote in her famous poem “The Summer Day”:

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? 

How will you be kind to the wolf who lives in each hollow bone? 

And then finally the only thing you could do 

was carry the world.”

This line may remind you of all the pressures you face as a member of society and force you to think about what you want to do with your life. However, no matter what you do, someone will have an opinion about it. They may praise you for it, and they may criticize you for it. This does not mean you are good or bad based on their opinions; it simply means you are different from them.

Modern neuroscience tells us that we have tens of thousands of thoughts every day, many of which we are not even aware of and cannot control (Kandel ER et al., “Principles of Neural Science”, 2013). It is not biologically possible for you to control someone else’s internal dialogue. When you try to do so, you wind up engaging in overthinking, perfectionism, and procrastination—a trifecta of behaviours that have been well-documented as symptoms of social anxiety and fear of evaluation (American Psychological Association, 2013).

What does all this mean? Let’s take the example of Dhirubhai Ambani, who had to face many opinions while he was building his business empire in India. If he had listened to the opinions, he may never have achieved what he wanted to do. Even leaders around the world, such as the late Steve Jobs, were criticized for their thinking and yet went ahead and achieved incredible success. In his famous Stanford Commencement Address (2005), he said:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

From the Indian philosophical perspective, the same teaching is offered in the Bhagavad Gita: “Karmanye vadhikaraste, ma phaleshu kadachana”—you have the right to perform your duty, but not to the fruits of your actions. While traditionally this teaching is offered in the context of detachment from outcomes, it is just as easily applied to detachment from the opinions and perceptions of others. Your only task is to do your duty in a pure and honest manner.

The real secret to “Let Them” is emotional detachment without losing your heart. This is not about the other person; it is about you and your willingness to stop managing them. When someone doubts you, misunderstands you, or disagrees with your choices, it is not a cue for resistance; it is a cue for acceptance. Let them think what they want. Let them misunderstand. Let them judge. And in doing so, you create space for your own growth, your own values, and your own purpose.

The journey to a full and rich life is not about stopping the criticism; it is about becoming impervious to it. When you stop negotiating your identity with the world, you start to live. You move from reaction to intention, from fear to freedom. And perhaps most importantly, you finally answer Mary Oliver’s question—not hesitantly, but clearly and fearlessly.