The world, which much too often bows to independence, self-sufficiency, and that huge thing called “doing it all,” could far too easily make one think that the asking for help shows inadequacy or weakness. The ninth lesson I think of in reflecting on my journey and what I would do over differently—if I had an opportunity to advise my younger self—is the following: “Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.”

This, I believe, is simple yet powerful advice if taken seriously—that would have averted me from many moments of stress, discomfiture, and self-doubting. We are convinced many times that to succeed independently one should surmount the odds on one’s own. But I think overcoming all alone is not true strength; true strength lies in knowing when to ask for help over the period of time.

The Burden of Independence

In India, with the greater cultural ethos of self-sacrifice and perseverance, it’s inbred in us to take everything on our shoulders. I still remember from my childhood an anecdote—I thought that successful people were those who were fully self-dependent and had the ability to make a decision themselves, whether in academics or early career choices, without seeking help from anyone, lest it seemed a sign of inability.

Meanwhile, the same ideal—‘pulling yourself up by your bootstraps’—has been celebrated in innumerable rags-to-riches tales throughout the West internationally. The ‘self-made person‘ myth does much to reinforce this idea that asking for any help is a diminishment of one’s success. But nobody ever did great things without assistance. Even Steve Jobs, acclaimed by many as a visionary, is quoted seeking advisement and aid from his mentors, like Mike Markkula, the first investor in Apple and advisor. Without the people network around him, Jobs’ legacy at Apple might have been very different. As I reflect back, it would seem that everyone has help on their journey, however successful they may outwardly appear.

A lesson of/in modesty One of the most striking things I have learned over time is that asking for help does not make me weak; it makes me human. This very same lesson was driven deeply home in the healthcare sector on one particular project. I had been put in charge to make a strategic decision which actually was not within what precisely I studied. I thought at first that somehow, by mere determination, I could just figure it out, but then the complexity of the issue overwhelmed me.

It wasn’t until I reached out to a colleague who was familiar with that area that we were able to progress forward. Of course, the solution didn’t just fall onto my lap, neither was I being guided through it, until I did learn in due process. “Vulnerability, in admitting to not knowing everything, is actually what opens doors to learning and growth.”

This concept of the “guru” or teacher has its deep roots in Indian tradition. The guru is not only the one imparting knowledge but guiding and supporting the seeker on their journey. As goes that common Indian saying, “A single tree cannot make a forest.” And the wisdom behind this saying speaks to the interdependence present in life. When requesting help from somebody, it is actually acknowledging the fact that we are all in society and there is much strength in seeking support from those around us.

The Story Retold: Support as Empowerment 

It means that we must change our attitude towards asking for help. From a declaration of weakness to one of strength: a sign of self-awareness, humility, and emotional intelligence. When we seek help, we invite others into our growth processes. This nurtures collaboration and creates a sense of shared purpose.

Take, for example, Mahatma Gandhi, one of India’s greatest leaders.  Though he is remembered for much, his acts of personal courage and resistance; though apart, Gandhi’s success lay in galvanizing a nation by thinking that success would come with an appeal to the people for support and involvement. It was itself a call for non-violent resistance. Thus Gandhi knew what many leaders apparently don’t: that asking for help doesn’t weaken one’s leadership; it strengthens it.

If one were to look internationally, there are plenty of examples of world leaders who understood precisely when stepping forward but also when to get help and build alliances. One such example is the former U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. During World War II, with much foresight, he sought alliances with leaders like Winston Churchill and Joseph Stalin, knowing full well that the U.S. couldn’t win the war in isolation. This act of seeking help on a world scale had consequences in the global outcome of the war, redefining leadership on a world level.

The Power of Collaboration 

Innovation is clearly all about collaboration. Just take the COVID-19 pandemic response by the scientific community around the world. The vaccines in record time could hardly have been developed by any one man or organization but were borne out of collaborations across countries and disciplines. Such unprecedented cooperation showed us all how what apparently seemed impossible is doable once we ask for help and come together for a common cause. 

In the Indian context itself, collaboration has taken myriad shapes. One iconic example can be the Amul cooperative movement. The mere power of rural farmers’ collective effort was the very cause for its nascent initiative. In this regard, the founder Tribhuvandas Patel realized that for the upliftment of small farmers, the coming together and helping of each other, sharing resources and know-how is needed. A humble idea metamorphosed Amul into a global dairy giant and empowered millions of farmers in the countryside. 

Vulnerability Accepted 

Asking for help means to be vulnerable, and vulnerability is commonly misunderstood as weakness. Yet, as researcher Brené Brown says, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” It is when we can really be in a place of vulnerability that we allow ourselves to connect deeper with others and find the guts to grow. I now wish I had known much sooner. If I could look back and tell my younger self, I” would say there is no shame in seeking help. Whether through advice from a mentor, emotional support with a loved one, or even collaboration with colleagues, asking for help is beyond any form of inadequacy—it’s an incredible act of strength.”

Learn more about how to become a Top Performer at: ORL Leadership Summit 2024.

ORL Leadership Summit: Transformative Experience for Otorhinolaryngologists and more.

Dr. Prahlada N.B
MBBS (JJMMC), MS (PGIMER, Chandigarh). 
MBA (BITS, Pilani), MHA, 
Executive Programme in Strategic Management (IIM, Lucknow)
Senior Management Programme in Healthcare Management (IIM, Kozhikode)
Postgraduate Certificate in Technology Leadership and Innovation (MIT, USA)
Advanced Certificate in AI for Digital Health and Imaging Program (IISc, Bengaluru). 

Senior Professor and former Head, 
Department of ENT-Head & Neck Surgery, Skull Base Surgery, Cochlear Implant Surgery. 
Basaveshwara Medical College & Hospital, Chitradurga, Karnataka, India. 

My Vision: I don’t want to be a genius.  I want to be a person with a bundle of experience. 

My Mission: Help others achieve their life’s objectives in my presence or absence!

My Values:  Creating value for others. 

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