Recently, I read this powerful quote by Epictetus, a prominent Stoic philosopher of ancient Greece, “It is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

Life is not a smooth road; it is the mountain road covered with pebbles of setbacks, stones of failure, and sometimes even boulders of tragedy. But in the midst of all the turbulence, what really determines the path of our life is not these external occurrences but how we respond to them. This wise saying by the ancient Stoic thinker Epictetus is ageless, universal, and corroborated by contemporary psychology. In a world in which things frequently seem to be beyond our own power, this quote brings home where our actual power is.

The Arrow and the Second Arrow – A Buddhist Parable

A traditional parable in the Buddha’s writings clearly demonstrates this. When you get shot with an arrow, it inflicts physical harm — that cannot be avoided. But if you subsequently curse your destiny, blame someone else, or drown in misery, that is like getting shot by another arrow — one we fire ourselves. The first is life; the second is our response.

I practice in a small town, and during my early period of clinical practice, I lost a young patient to a rare post-operative complication. It was traumatic. The initial arrow of sadness was genuine. But I could either succumb to guilt or respond in another way. I opted for the latter. I began holding biweekly morbidity and mortality meetings, standardized post-operative protocols, and began mentoring resident doctors. Mu response turned personal tragedy into systemic improvement. That is the philosophy of Epictetus put into practice.

Epictetus and the Art of Inner Freedom

Born into slavery in ancient Rome, Epictetus was more familiar with powerlessness than many. He didn’t possess control of his body (he was physically handicapped) or freedom. But he found that even though external freedom is withheld, freedom of the mind cannot be. He instructed: “We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.”

This resonates with the Indian philosophy of karma yoga in the Bhagavad Gita, wherein Lord Krishna advises Arjuna to “You have the right to carry out your assigned tasks, yet you are not eligible to enjoy the results of your work,” (Gita 2.47).  They both prioritize concentrating on activity rather than results — on reply, not situation.

Nelson Mandela: A Global Tribute to Reaction Rather Than Circumstance

No person exemplifies this philosophy more vividly than Nelson Mandela. He was in prison for 27 years — a quarter of life. Most of us would have come out bitter or broken. But not Mandela. He famously commented:

I am in charge of my destiny, I am captain of my soul (from Invictus, which he found strength in while he was in prison).  Mandela opted to forgive instead of revenge, to unify instead of divide, and to lead instead of victimize. His response didn’t merely define his fate; it redefined a nation. He didn’t have power over what was done to him — but his response changed everything.

Indian Wisdom: Draupadi’s Fire and Gandhi’s Salt

In the Mahabharata, she was shamed in a royal court — a powerless victim of rigged dice and patriarchal wrath. But her reaction was not passive. Her curse, her rebellion, and her remembering of the slight became the moral construct of the entire epic. Her hurt was transformed into purpose, and her shame ignited a transformation in destiny.

Similarly, Mahatma Gandhi transformed a simple gesture — the production of salt — into a revolt. The British had a monopoly on salt production, and Indians were subjected to an unfair tax. Gandhi might have raged or desponded. Rather, he walked 240 miles to the sea and produced salt himself, by his own hand. The humble act of rebellion rocked an empire.

“You can’t ever know what your actions are going to lead to. But if you don’t take any actions, nothing will happen.” — Mahatma Gandhi

Gandhi’s strength was not in dominating British repression but in dominating his own reaction to it.

The Neuroscience of Reaction

Modern-day science reinforces what the ancients already knew. In the words of Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist:

There is a space between stimulus and response. Within that space lies our power to choose our response. Within our response lies our growth and our freedom.

Frankl lost family, freedom, and even his name in Nazi concentration camps. But he created logotherapy, the psychotherapeutic method based on meaning-finding even in affliction. His book, Man’s Search for Meaning, is our contemporary bible on resilience.

Neuroscience research reveals that by taking time to reflect before responding — engaging the prefrontal cortex instead of the amygdala — we have the power to manage our emotions and make deliberate decisions. Mindfulness, meditation, and breathing are key to establishing this delay, converting reactivity to response.

The Choice is Ours

A storm can shatter the branch, yet feed the roots. A fire can incinerate the forest, yet clear the pathway to new growth.

Each failure — losing a job, flunking an exam, illness, or betrayal — is not the end of the sentence, only a comma. How we construct the rest of the sentence is in our choice. That is the freeing realization behind Epictetus’s wisdom: we are not always powerless.

Closing Reflections: Transcending the Narrative

Let the world say whatever it wants. Let things turn and twist. The ultimate author of your tale is how you respond.

“Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is not.” — Haruki Murakami.

“You cannot stop the waves, yet you can learn to ride them.” — Jon Kabat-Zinn.

Between your calm and life’s chaos is where the gap exists. Within that gap is the birth of character, the residence of courage, and the ignition of transformation. Decide responsibly — for in that decision is your destiny formed.

Make this your daily affirmation: It is not what happens to me, but how I respond to whatever happens, that is important.

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