One other thing I would go and tell my younger self now would be, “Choose your circle wisely.” So simple, and yet so powerful. The people around you will make a huge difference in the thoughts you allow into your mind and the choices you make to get to where you want to be. Your circle of friends, colleagues, mentors, loved ones can either take you higher or pull you down. The sooner you understand the importance of choosing your circle with care, the sooner you’ll start down the path to growth and fulfillment.
The old axiom is so oft-quoted, but it’s more about an oft-repeated truism: “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” Actually, the quality of one’s relationships usually reflects the quality of his life.
The Power of Influence
We are social creatures, and from a tender age, we are moulded by those surrounding us: family, friends, teachers, and even casual contacts. They influence the ways we think, values we hold onto, and even attitudes, mostly unconsciously. Haven’t you ever noticed how you pick up phrases, habits, and even views from people you are with most? That’s the power of influence at work.
As the great American motivator Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Despite our wills, the people we surround ourselves with have a say over the way we think about the world, how we approach challenges, and what ultimately defines success. This is why choosing your circle wisely is one of the most impactful decisions you’ll ever make.
The Indian Perspective: The Company You Keep
Satsang or the company of good people plays an important role in Indian culture. Our scriptures and epics are full of stories highlighting how our destiny is shaped by people we associate with. Take the story of the legendary archer, Arjuna, of the Mahabharata. Arjuna was already skilled but was raised to a legendary status by his association with the mentor Dronacharya and companionship with Lord Krishna.
Krishna was his mentor and guide, who helped him to get through such crucial decisions, including the decision to fight for righteousness in the Kurukshetra war. Had Arjuna continued in negative company, his destiny could have been quite different.
Similarly, Indian poet Kabir had said, “Nindak niyare rakhiye, aangan kuti chhawaye”—which loosely translates to, “Keep your critics close.” This is just a reminder that not everyone in your circle needs to be a cheerleader. As a matter of fact, constructive criticism from the right people could be just what you need to get going. But again, therein lies the art of selection—those who make you better, not those who bring you down without reason.
Real-life examples demonstrate the importance of a circle being a figure. Real examples of this concept abound in real life.
Take Warren Buffett, one of the most successful investors in the world. In that respect, Buffett’s relationship with Charlie Munger, his investment partner, is a striking example of selection of the right circle. Munger was known for razor-sharp rational thinking, complemented by discipline to feel at home with Buffett’s long-term vision and investment strategy.
Arguably, their collaborative effort has created one of the most successful companies in history, Berkshire Hathaway. As Buffett himself once said, “It’s better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behaviour is better than yours and you’ll drift in that direction.” Another stellar example in India is Ratan Tata. Always, his friendships and business relationships reflected integrity, humility, and growth. The people who constitute the inner circle of Tata are those who believe in his philosophy of ethical business and philanthropy. Sticking to these values strengthened not only his leadership but also helped the Tata Group reach heights at the global level.
The parable of the Eagle and the Crows.
There was a famous parable that illustrates this truth so nicely: the Parable of the Eagle and the Crows.
One day, a Crow family adopted an orphaned Eagle. Noisy and boisterous, the ill-mannered Crows could not stop pecking at the proud bird, preventing him from rising any higher. Years passed before the eagle felt it was time for him to rise above the crows to heights they could not reach.
The crows did not have the stamina to fly as high as the eagle did. Once the eagle soared higher, it managed to enjoy those moments of tranquillity and liberty that it deserved.
The lesson herein is pretty clear: if one is surrounded by negativity, distractions, or downers, rise above them. Find an enclave that can help you soar, not clip your wings.
Toxic Circles to Avoid
Not less important than choosing a circle that lifts you up is avoiding one that brings you down. A toxic circle at first can be very subtle. It may be in the form of negativity, jealousy, people who don’t believe in your potential, etc. Over time, such influences seep into your mindset and create self-doubt or limiting beliefs.
Do you know the concept of “crabs in a bucket”? It simply means that when crabs are put in a bucket, they will pull any crab down trying to climb out, so no crab is ever able to get out. People with a “crab mentality” are those who pull you down once they see you trying to rise or experience success. Again, it’s such toxic energy in your circle that one should always know for long-term success and personal well-being.
Building a Positive Circle So, how do you go about choosing your circle wisely? Surround yourself first with people who inspire, challenge, and support you.
Mentors: Find yourself mentors who have evolved into what you want to become. They will push you toward growth and advise you about how not to fall into unnecessary pitfalls. Like Arjuna had Krishna, find someone who will give you practical wisdom combined with emotional support.
Friends: They’re those friends who applaud your successes with no hint of envy and help you through challenging times with no judgment. They ultimately believe in your dreams and hold you to task for your goals.
Colleagues: At work, be among those kinds of colleagues who are driven, ethical, and passionate about what they do. Having hardworking and intelligent peers will force you to rise to their level. Family: Your family can also serve as your positive circle if they are encouraging towards your growth, support your endeavours. As much as family relationships can be quite tricky, it is great to set boundaries if needed, so you ensure that you get only positive energy and not criticism or negativity. Conclusion: You are the Company You Keep-
Choose Your Circle Wisely
As the great philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson so succinctly put it, “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” This means that it further requires being a person of support and upliftment in return for one to be in such a supportive circle. Your circle is the reflection of you, and you are the reflection of your circle. To my young self and to each of you, I’d say, “Choose your circle wisely. Fill your life with people who inspire you, challenge you, and believe in your potential. Be that kind of person for someone else. Because the circle you choose today will be the life you live tomorrow.”
Learn more about how to become a Top Performer at: ORL Leadership Summit 2024.
Dr. Prahlada N.B
MBBS (JJMMC), MS (PGIMER, Chandigarh).
MBA (BITS, Pilani), MHA,
Executive Programme in Strategic Management (IIM, Lucknow)
Senior Management Programme in Healthcare Management (IIM, Kozhikode)
Postgraduate Certificate in Technology Leadership and Innovation (MIT, USA)
Advanced Certificate in AI for Digital Health and Imaging Program (IISc, Bengaluru).
Senior Professor and former Head,
Department of ENT-Head & Neck Surgery, Skull Base Surgery, Cochlear Implant Surgery.
Basaveshwara Medical College & Hospital, Chitradurga, Karnataka, India.
My Vision: I don’t want to be a genius. I want to be a person with a bundle of experience.
My Mission: Help others achieve their life’s objectives in my presence or absence!
My Values: Creating value for others.
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