Eighth Advice I Would Give to My Younger Self: Learn the Power of Saying No

Eighth Advice I Would Give to My Younger Self: Learn the Power of Saying No. As I reflect upon my life’s journey and all my ups and downs, some of the most powerful advice I would give my younger self is rather simple, yet life-changing: Learn the power of saying “no.”

When we are young, we tend to get caught up saying “yes” to too many things. We say “yes” for people-pleasing, to avoid conflict, or because we do not want to miss any opportunities. But the truth is, learning to say “no” is regularly one of those liberating life lessons. Of course, it sounds tiny, but actually saying “no” sets you free and opens that door to those opportunities which count.

The Cost of Saying “Yes” Too Often

This need to please and accommodate others, when we were young, sometimes took us down paths on which we never intended walking at all. We overcommit ourselves into doing things and accepting responsibilities that do not align with our goals or values. And more often than not, this eventually leaves us feeling depleted, stressed, and unfulfilled. As Warren Buffet once wisely said, “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.” It’s not about being closed off to opportunities but rather being selective about where you invest your time, energy, and focus. After all, the most precious thing we own is our time, and every “yes” given out to something that does not matter is stealing from something that does.

Saying “No” is a word spoken to show regard for oneself.

This was actually one of the most difficult things to learn: saying “no” does not make you selfish; saying “no” makes you self-respectful. The moment you say “no” to anything that doesn’t serve your values, goals, or well-being, you show respect to yourself and your time. Setting boundaries is about setting boundaries, which—as Brené Brown highlighted—are what enable people to lead a life in congruity with who they are: “Daring to set boundaries is having the courage to love ourselves first, even when that risks disappointing others.” This was the hard realization that came into my life during younger years, as with literally saying “yes” to everything, by doing so, I felt I’d become a team player that proved my worth and, hence, I was likable. But as time passed, it slowly dawned on me that with constant “yeses” to others, too many times I was saying “no” to myself—no to peace, no to dreams, no to well-being.

Saying “No” as an Act of Yes

One of the best examples of saying “no” is Steve Jobs. When he rejoined Apple in 1997, he said “no” to hundreds of product ideas. He cut the number of company products down to literally a handful of core items. This focused approach helped Apple grow into one of the most valuable businesses in the world. As Jobs himself said, “I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to a thousand things.” Saying “no” creates space for the right “yes.” Saying no lets you put your energies toward whatever in life and career is truly important. And each time you say “no” to a non-essential, you’re saying “yes” to something more meaningful, whether that’s time with loved ones, a personal passion project—even your own rest and recuperation.

Learning to Say “No” is a Process

Saying “no” is not something that comes naturally to many people, especially in younger years and when one wants to prove themselves. It is a skill, however, that can be developed with time and practice. It’s not about being ultra-harsh or unkind; it’s about being clear as to your limits. One good way to get started is by practicing what I call the “pause.” When someone asks you for a commitment, try not to say “yes” immediately. Just make a pause; think about how that fits into my priorities. So, I ask myself:

Saying yes, will this be helpful in achieving goals both on a personal or professional note? Is this consistent with my personal values? Which is going to be fulfilling for me, which is going to deplete me?

You can give yourself the opportunity to make a much more intentional choice if you take that moment to reflect.

Saying No Gracefully

Of course, learning this delicate art does not have to mean that you should be rude or dismissive. There are graceful ways of saying no without burning your bridges. For example, you could say, “Thank you so much for thinking of me, but right now, I’ve just got too much on my plate to really commit,” or “I appreciate the opportunity, but it’s just not the right fit for me just now.” You are being honest and respectful, yet again modeling healthy boundaries for others that will be important to maintain good relations and prioritize your well-being.

A Parable About the Power of “No”

There is an old parable concerning a wise man and his disciple. The disciple was anxious for everything to be possibly learned from the wise man, hailing every new lesson in his path. One day, the wise man took a cup, filled it with water, and continued to pour water into it while it overflowed. The disciple said, “Master, the cup is full! No more will fit!” The wise man smiled and replied, “Just like this cup, you cannot take in more unless you first make space. Saying ‘no’ is the way you make space for what is important.” This rather simple parable catches the core of why learning to say “no” is so important. In our lives, over and over again, when we fill up with obligations and things that don’t matter, we leave no room for the things that do.

The Courage of Saying “No” and the Freedom It Brings

Saying “no” takes a lot of guts, especially if you have been the kind of person who has always said “yes.” Sure, at times it is going to feel uncomfortable, but it is worth it. The power of “no” can bring about greater long-term focus, fulfillment, and success. If I had my life to live over again and could give myself one more piece of advice, it would be this: learn the power of saying “no.” It’s a word, yes, but it’s also a tool—one for reclaiming time and energy, yet far more so, for reclaiming life itself.

Learn more about how to become a Top Performer at: ORL Leadership Summit 2024.

Dr. Prahlada N.B
MBBS (JJMMC), MS (PGIMER, Chandigarh). 
MBA (BITS, Pilani), MHA, 
Executive Programme in Strategic Management (IIM, Lucknow)
Senior Management Programme in Healthcare Management (IIM, Kozhikode)
Postgraduate Certificate in Technology Leadership and Innovation (MIT, USA)
Advanced Certificate in AI for Digital Health and Imaging Program (IISc, Bengaluru). 

Senior Professor and former Head, 
Department of ENT-Head & Neck Surgery, Skull Base Surgery, Cochlear Implant Surgery. 
Basaveshwara Medical College & Hospital, Chitradurga, Karnataka, India. 

My Vision: I don’t want to be a genius.  I want to be a person with a bundle of experience. 

My Mission: Help others achieve their life’s objectives in my presence or absence!

My Values:  Creating value for others.